New Mom!

So as you all know I was pregnant and expecting my first child, a baby girl. I officially gave birth on 4/15/18 at 8:09am via C-section. It was a very rocky road for me during labor and delivery as things did not go as planned at all. I have thoroughly been enjoying being a mother! No one could have ever prepared me for the instant love and adoration that I would have for my baby girl.

Most of you know that my due date was 4/6/18, but clearly my little girl did not get that memo that she was supposed to vacate the premises of my womb on that date or at least 4 days afterwards. I went in for an induction on 4/12/18 at 7am, one day after my 30th birthday, and boy was that an experience for me. The first method they tried I thought was going to work and it had to stay in for 12 hours, it was supposed to soften my cervix so that I could begin to dilate, and that was an epic fail because I still had not started dilating and I did not feel any contractions at all. The next thing they tried was giving me the Pitocin, which is supposed to make you dilate and start contractions quickly. My doctor wanted to start me on the Pitocin slowly, so instead of increasing the dose every 15 minutes she increased it every 2 hours. The rest of Thursday and all day Friday I was hooked up to an IV getting fluids and the Pitocin. Suffice it to say, that was also an epic fail. The max dose is 20ml and I didn’t start feeling minor contractions until I had gotten up to 16ml of the Pitocin. When I was checked to see if I had dilated any early Saturday morning, I was still 1cm. This was quite disappointing for me. So my doctor decided to take me off the IV for a few hours so that I could move around and then start the induction process over again. So this time I started out on the Pitocin at 9ml and every 15-20 minutes a nurse came to increase it 2ml. This time around I started feeling the contractions and by the time I got to 14ml, I needed pain meds to deal with the pain. My water finally broke! By Saturday evening when my doctor checked me and I was still 1cm she suggested that I get an epidural to relax my cervix in hopes that it would help me to start dilating more. She swept my membranes and that got me to 3cm dilated. So I got the epidural, which was something that I did not want at all. I wanted a natural birth with no epidural. Clearly that was not in the cards for me. So by early Sunday morning when my doctor came and checked and I was still a measly 3cm she gave me the look and said to me “Honey you’re still 3cm, we need to schedule a c-section now”. At that point I did not protest at all. My body was completely tired. The medicine that you put in the epidural did not work so they had to use anesthesia.

My baby girl was born at 8:09am. Because of my own complications it took me a while to be able to finally see my baby for the first time. They wheeled me into the NICU in front of her warmer to be able to look at her. It was love at first sight and she was so beautiful to me! Since being home with my baby it has been a learning curve. Getting to know the signs for when she is hungry, needs attention and getting the hang of breastfeeding. She is only 16 days old and she already has a big personality and our bond is strong and will only get stronger. I absolutely could not imagine being anything else but her mother. I never knew how much I would love being a mom nor how natural it would be to me. I love when she is awakes and she smiles at me when I talk and kiss her. She sometimes even kisses me back. She is my forever love! I have never experience this type of love before!

Even though things did not go as planned for my labor and delivery, I would not change anything at all. All the time, pain, and worry was all worth it. The fact that my baby girl is here, healthy and beautiful is all that I could ever ask for. I will love her with all my heart, teach her, cherish her and protect her until the day that I die.

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One Day

One day I will find you 

For I have been searching all my life

One day I will finally be happy

Despite all the misery in my life

One day I will walk with fingers interlocked

On a nice beautiful day with you 

One day… 

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From Google Images 

Spring

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Sunshine

Rain

Beautiful flowers

Butterflies flying

Birds chirping

Cool breezes
 
 

Spring is here

My favorite time of year

Beautiful days

Magical nights

I embrace this season

I am one with this season

xoxo Mz Hollywood

Beauty of Self

To myself, I am inferior beyond belief

Because I have been conditioned to think negatively about me

I do not think I am beautiful in any way

And why should I

This skin complexion, body fat and natural hair

This is not appealing to any man

Media depicts beauty in a different way

When I look at the cover of magazines or instagram pics

Those who are seen as beautiful are the exact opposite of me

So why should I think I’m beautiful

It took me a while to understand that beauty is within

As long as I feel beautiful, then what society thinks is invalid

Because I am beautiful in my own way

There is a man who will one day think it too

XOXO Mz Hollywood

Final Day of Work!

As I am nearing the end of my pregnancy (37 wks 4 days as of this post) I have the next couple weeks to do my finishing touches on my nursery and relax and enjoy the last moments of my life without having a baby. With labor and delivery slowly approaching I am even more anxious and excited to go through this process and start my life as a new mom.

I had an amazing time on Friday, which was my last day of work, there was a St. Patricks Day/Going Away Party for me at my school with my students. After the work day was over a couple of my coworkers took me out to one of my favorite restaurants, Dixie Kitchen, and we enjoyed a great meal and girl talk!

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At Dixie Kitchen

I plan to spend time writing, working on new jewelry for my business Young Beautiful Fly  , in addition to putting up the baby’s bassinet and bed. The bassinet and bed is all I have left to finish up the nursery so I think I did pretty good with making sure that I was prepared for my baby girls arrival. I often sit in the room and look at all her stuff and go through the closet and look at her clothes and smell them just thinking about how much my life is going to change in an amazing way! As you can tell I am already, absolutely obsessed with my baby and she hasn’t even made it here yet. I have so many plans on things that we will do during the summer and I am so looking forward to that.

My Inspiration

So I had a plan to write about the black poets and writers who inspired me to write poetry and short stories, since it is Black History month. Clearly, I am late because it is only one full week left in February. So as they say “better late than never”. Today I will share with you all one of the first poems that I read that inspired me to want to be like this author. It made me want to pick up a pencil and start writing. Even after all these years since I first read her writing I am still in awe of her talents. I got the chance to see her in person in my undergrad when she came to speak and I was 7 rows from the stage and it just made me love her even more. That is a memory that will be etched in my brain forever because I never thought that I would ever get a chance to see and hear her speak in person. I love her work and she still inspires me, even though she has passed away. May her soul rest in peace! 

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise 
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise 
I rise
I rise. 

– Maya Angelou