Navigating the Co-Parenting World With a Newborn

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When you have your first child and the father and yourself are not in a relationship you have to figure out how to properly co-parent. This can be a bit tricky and it is a serious learning process on top of getting into the swing of being a first time mom and dad. There are definitely some do’s and dont’s when it comes to co-parenting. Some things that were told to me before my baby girl arrived, I wish I would have taken it more seriously instead of thinking that everything would just work itself out once she got here. Being great co-parents without a lot of drama is definitely doable, but it takes both parents to be honest with themselves and what they want and expect from one another.

DO’S

One of the main things that you want to do when you are entering a co-parenting relationship is establish boundaries between you. Like if you are comfortable with the father spending the night over your house, and if so, how often. Setting a schedule for the days that each of you will have the baby. Will the baby spend every other weekend with dad or even every weekend, if you don’t have your own plans with the baby. You both should discuss the type of environment that you are and aren’t comfortable having your newborn in. I am not a smoker but my child’s father is and he knows that I do not want her in a room with cigarette smokers. We have a rule where when he smokes before he comes close to the baby he needs to take off the shirt that he smoked in and wash his hands, face and brush his teeth or put gum in his mouth. It’s also very important to keep each other updated on what is going on with the baby no matter how small it seems so that there is constant communication. Communication is the key to any type of relationship but it is especially important when co-parenting to raise your child in the best way possible.

DONT’S

You do not wan to be an ineffective communicator and not discuss what your rules, plans and expectations are for your baby. If you feel as though the father does not spend as much time as he should with the baby, don’t let it fester up inside you but have a calm conversation with him about it. Let him know that you would love to see him spend a little more time with the baby and develop a strong bond between the two of them. When you are angry with each other, never use the baby to control each other. The baby is the one that ends up suffering in the end. Do not be inflexible when it comes to how much time each of you are spending with the baby. It is important for both of you to spend as much time with the baby as possible.

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ADVICE GIVEN TO ME

So before I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl a lot of my family and friends had advice for me and what I should do to begin my co-parenting relationship with her father. The most important advice was for us to always be honest in our communication with one another about how we are feeling and what we want for our baby. We agree on a lot of things when it comes to her daily care and well-being and how we plan to raise her. There are things that we don’t quite agree on but respect that we have a difference of opinion and try to come to a middle ground that works best for the both of us. We have similar but also different ways of caring for and parenting our little girl and that works for us.

This is just the beginning of my journey with co-parenting. I know that as long as we continue to communicate effectively, are honest with ourselves and each other, respect one another, and remain flexible we can rock this co-parenting relationship and our daughter will grow and flourish into an amazing woman!

 

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30 Day Challenge – Day 11

Day 11: Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is

So if you all have read any of my previous post you know that I am in a new relationship with an awesome guy. We have only been together for 8 months but it feels like I’ve known him all my life. 4 years ago I would have never thought that I would be here right now, in a relationship with someone that I feel I am going to spend the rest of my life with. We both want the same things out of life. We both want to get married and have children and the fact that he sees himself marrying me and raising children with me lets me know that I mean the world to him. He is such a good guy. I know I finally caught a keeper. And to top it off he is not a womanizer like the majority of my exes, so I don’t have to worry about him cheating and tons of different women! Which is actually a relief for me.

My current relationship is different than any other relationship that I have had before

My boyfriend is really caring and protective. He loves making sure that I am safe no matter where I am and who I am with. Which is something different than I am used to but something that I really love about him. He is just extremely sweet and loving! I love how he listens to me when I am rambling off about work, especially on those days when my clients have had bad days. He knows how much I love the work I do and he is always there with a listening ear. He supports me in everything I do.

But just like any relationship everything is not peachy 

There are some things about him that irritate the crap out of me sometimes but I wouldn’t trade him for the world. He tends to jump to conclusions sometimes about things and has the nerve to get an attitude. We have two different types of communication styles which can lead to minor and pointless arguments sometimes. Sometimes when I am frustrated and angry about things he is super positive. I know some of you may be reading that and saying to yourself “why is this something that would irritate her?”. It’s ok to be positive but sometimes I just want him to just let me be angry or frustrated. Like I just want to be able to vent sometimes and not having someone always telling me stuff. Nonetheless, I love how he builds me up and how proud he is of me!

I absolutely love this man! 

Happiness

  
I truly love what I do for a living. I am an in home behavior therapist for children on the autism spectrum. I love seeing the progress that my clients make! It brings me great joy to know that I am helping these children and their families. It can be a tough job at times but I wouldn’t trade it for the world! 

  

30 Day Challenge – Day 7

Day 7: Your opinion on cheating on people

I don’t think that there should ever be a reason for a person to cheat on another person, regardless of what the person did. I think that if a person feels like they are about to cheat then they should have an honest conversation about how they are feeling to their spouse. They should give the person that they are in a relationship with a chance to know what is going on with them and to fix what the problem is. I have always expressed that to the people that I have been in relationship with. If they ever felt the need to cheat all they had to do was come and tell me and we can sit and talk about what the issue is and how we can fix it. If we decided that it’s not going to work then at least they were honest with me about how they were feeling. I think that cheating is a sign of cowardice. It shows me that you don’t respect the person you are in a relationship with enough to not humiliate them by cheating on them. One thing for sure what is done in the dark will surely come to light! You may think that your spouse or partner will never find out but they always do.

Letting Go

It’s hard to let go of something that you have known for 5 years plus.
Even though you know that it will not work.
Its your comfort zone and it’s all that you know.
But how do you know when it’s truly time to let it go.
How do you move on to something else.
When its hard to get over the feelings you have felt.
Love is a strong feeling that doesn’t go away over night.
But I can no longer stay and continue to have this fight.
I deserve to be happy and treated with respect.
Not constantly waiting around for your eyes to see that.
It’s hard to let go but I have to do this for me.
I hope you have a successful and happy life for all of eternity!

The New Age of Man

What is wrong with this new age of man?
They no longer open our doors or pull out our chairs.
They no longer give us the simplest romantic gestures and loving stares.
They no longer take us on dates just to spend quality time.
They no longer buy us nice flowers with a note “Just because you are mines”.
They no longer date us to actually get to know us inside and out.
They no longer write us beautiful love letters and poems telling us what they’re all about.
They no longer take us for romantic walks along the beach.
They no longer talk to us with respect when they speak.
They no longer call us ladies, miss or ma’am.
They no longer like to walk and hold our hands.
They no longer call to tell us good morning and goodnight.
They no longer show that for our love they are willing to fight.
The men who still do all of these things are a rare commodity.
But maybe there are more of you out there possibly.