Navigating the Co-Parenting World With a Newborn

When you have your first child and the father and yourself are not in a relationship you have to figure out how to properly co-parent. This can be a bit tricky and it is a serious learning process on top of getting into the swing of being a first time mom and dad. There are definitely some do’s and dont’s when it comes to co-parenting. Some things that were told to me before my baby girl arrived, I wish I would have taken it more seriously instead of thinking that everything would just work itself out once she got here. Being great co-parents without a lot of drama is definitely doable, but it takes both parents to be honest with themselves and what they want and expect from one another.

DO’S

One of the main things that you want to do when you are entering a co-parenting relationship is establish boundaries between you. Like if you are comfortable with the father spending the night over your house, and if so, how often. Setting a schedule for the days that each of you will have the baby. Will the baby spend every other weekend with dad or even every weekend, if you don’t have your own plans with the baby. You both should discuss the type of environment that you are and aren’t comfortable having your newborn in. I am not a smoker but my child’s father is and he knows that I do not want her in a room with cigarette smokers. We have a rule where when he smokes before he comes close to the baby he needs to take off the shirt that he smoked in and wash his hands, face and brush his teeth or put gum in his mouth. It’s also very important to keep each other updated on what is going on with the baby no matter how small it seems so that there is constant communication. Communication is the key to any type of relationship but it is especially important when co-parenting to raise your child in the best way possible.

DONT’S

You do not wan to be an ineffective communicator and not discuss what your rules, plans and expectations are for your baby. If you feel as though the father does not spend as much time as he should with the baby, don’t let it fester up inside you but have a calm conversation with him about it. Let him know that you would love to see him spend a little more time with the baby and develop a strong bond between the two of them. When you are angry with each other, never use the baby to control each other. The baby is the one that ends up suffering in the end. Do not be inflexible when it comes to how much time each of you are spending with the baby. It is important for both of you to spend as much time with the baby as possible.

ADVICE GIVEN TO ME

So before I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl a lot of my family and friends had advice for me and what I should do to begin my co-parenting relationship with her father. The most important advice was for us to always be honest in our communication with one another about how we are feeling and what we want for our baby. We agree on a lot of things when it comes to her daily care and well-being and how we plan to raise her. There are things that we don’t quite agree on but respect that we have a difference of opinion and try to come to a middle ground that works best for the both of us. We have similar but also different ways of caring for and parenting our little girl and that works for us.

This is just the beginning of my journey with co-parenting. I know that as long as we continue to communicate effectively, are honest with ourselves and each other, respect one another, and remain flexible we can rock this co-parenting relationship and our daughter will grow and flourish into an amazing woman!

 

Together Forever

You and me

We’re meant to be

Together forever …

You’ve always been my soulmate

This thing between us is fate

Together forever …

I couldn’t imagine a life with no you

Oh how my love for you is true

Together forever …

Thinking of our wedding day

Brings tears of joy to my face

Together forever …

Spending the rest of my life with you

Is all I really want to do

Together forever …

xoxx Mz Hollywood

 

New Mom!

So as you all know I was pregnant and expecting my first child, a baby girl. I officially gave birth on 4/15/18 at 8:09am via C-section. It was a very rocky road for me during labor and delivery as things did not go as planned at all. I have thoroughly been enjoying being a mother! No one could have ever prepared me for the instant love and adoration that I would have for my baby girl.

Most of you know that my due date was 4/6/18, but clearly my little girl did not get that memo that she was supposed to vacate the premises of my womb on that date or at least 4 days afterwards. I went in for an induction on 4/12/18 at 7am, one day after my 30th birthday, and boy was that an experience for me. The first method they tried I thought was going to work and it had to stay in for 12 hours, it was supposed to soften my cervix so that I could begin to dilate, and that was an epic fail because I still had not started dilating and I did not feel any contractions at all. The next thing they tried was giving me the Pitocin, which is supposed to make you dilate and start contractions quickly. My doctor wanted to start me on the Pitocin slowly, so instead of increasing the dose every 15 minutes she increased it every 2 hours. The rest of Thursday and all day Friday I was hooked up to an IV getting fluids and the Pitocin. Suffice it to say, that was also an epic fail. The max dose is 20ml and I didn’t start feeling minor contractions until I had gotten up to 16ml of the Pitocin. When I was checked to see if I had dilated any early Saturday morning, I was still 1cm. This was quite disappointing for me. So my doctor decided to take me off the IV for a few hours so that I could move around and then start the induction process over again. So this time I started out on the Pitocin at 9ml and every 15-20 minutes a nurse came to increase it 2ml. This time around I started feeling the contractions and by the time I got to 14ml, I needed pain meds to deal with the pain. My water finally broke! By Saturday evening when my doctor checked me and I was still 1cm she suggested that I get an epidural to relax my cervix in hopes that it would help me to start dilating more. She swept my membranes and that got me to 3cm dilated. So I got the epidural, which was something that I did not want at all. I wanted a natural birth with no epidural. Clearly that was not in the cards for me. So by early Sunday morning when my doctor came and checked and I was still a measly 3cm she gave me the look and said to me “Honey you’re still 3cm, we need to schedule a c-section now”. At that point I did not protest at all. My body was completely tired. The medicine that you put in the epidural did not work so they had to use anesthesia.

My baby girl was born at 8:09am. Because of my own complications it took me a while to be able to finally see my baby for the first time. They wheeled me into the NICU in front of her warmer to be able to look at her. It was love at first sight and she was so beautiful to me! Since being home with my baby it has been a learning curve. Getting to know the signs for when she is hungry, needs attention and getting the hang of breastfeeding. She is only 16 days old and she already has a big personality and our bond is strong and will only get stronger. I absolutely could not imagine being anything else but her mother. I never knew how much I would love being a mom nor how natural it would be to me. I love when she is awakes and she smiles at me when I talk and kiss her. She sometimes even kisses me back. She is my forever love! I have never experience this type of love before!

Even though things did not go as planned for my labor and delivery, I would not change anything at all. All the time, pain, and worry was all worth it. The fact that my baby girl is here, healthy and beautiful is all that I could ever ask for. I will love her with all my heart, teach her, cherish her and protect her until the day that I die.

One Day

One day I will find you 

For I have been searching all my life

One day I will finally be happy

Despite all the misery in my life

One day I will walk with fingers interlocked

On a nice beautiful day with you 

One day… 

From Google Images 

What I Want

Stuck in that in-between time
hoping
that one day
you will truly be mines.

I guess I have to
wait, wait
wait until time is
finally on my side.

I can’t dwell on it
but,
I’m not doing well tho.
See,
I want you right now.
Yet our time is not now.

Maybe one day
you’ll see
that, your place is
right here with me.

So until that day
I’ll keep holding on
that I will soon have
everything I want

xoxo Mz Hollywood

Alone

Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don’t believe I’m wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can’t use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They’ve got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely
I’ll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
‘Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

-Maya Angelou

Come Out Already!

So most of you know that I am pregnant. This has been quite a long journey full of happy moments and not so good moments. My due date was Friday April 6th and it is currently Sunday April 8th and in less than an hour it will be Monday April 9th.

 

From Google Images 

I am clearly a few days past my due date and when I tell you I am beyond ready to have this baby I mean it. I am over 40 weeks pregnant and I am just fat and heavy. It is extremely tiring carrying around all this baby weight. And of course my unborn daughter doesn’t care. She is just comfortably, although I don’t see how when it’s obviously not that much room in there, and patiently taking her time to enter this world. I have been having Braxton Hicks contractions (false contractions) for weeks now but they have not been progressing into true labor. Which obviously sucks for me!

I have literally been doing everything to get this baby out of me such as exercising (walking, climbing stairs, doing squats and yoga), eating spicy foods, eating pineapples, and I even been doing nipple stimulation. Research suggests that nipple stimulation is one of the best ways to naturally induce labor at home. But to no avail, nothing and I mean absolutely nothing has been working. I genuinely hope that she hurries up and come on her own because if she is not here by Wednesday April 11th (which is actually my 30th birthday) then my doctor has me scheduled to get induced on Thursday April 12th at 7am. I am dreading getting induced because I actually had planned to have this baby natural without using any type of pain medication. So I am praying that she just stops being stubborn and come out on her own before Thursday.

From Google Images 

All in all, this baby has got to come out already! I am slowly losing my patience with having to wait to meet her and hold her. I have never wanted to experience pain so bad. I am beyond ready to experience what it feels like to go through labor and delivery and just have this baby already. She has officially received her eviction notice and she has got to go asap!

Motto

This poem is also from the Harlem Renaissance period by one of my favorite writers:

I play it cool 

And dig all jive 

That’s the reason 

I stay alive 

 My motto,

As I live and learn, 

is: 

Dig And Be Dug

In Return. 

-Langston Hughes

To a Dark Girl

So this one was of my favorite poems that I read back when I took African American Literature and we covered the Harlem Renaissance period.

I love you for your brownness

And the rounded darkness of your breast .

I love you for the breaking sadness in your voice 

And shadows where your wayward eye-lids rest.

Something of old forgotten queens 

Lurks in the lithe abandon of your walk,

And something of the shackled slave

Sobs in the rhythm of your talk. 

Oh, little brown girl, born for sorrow’s mate, 

Keep all you have of queenliness, 

Forgetting that you once were a slave,

And let your full lips laugh at Fate!

–Gwendolyn B. Bennett

Things You Said When I Was Crying

You are beyond beautiful

Never let anyone tell you you’re not

You are smart and intelligent

Any man would be lucky to have you

You are kind and sweet

No matter what a person does to you

You are fun and courageous

That’s something no one should be able to take from you

 

Never let a man treat you wrong

Never let a man disrespect you

Never let a man take you for granted 

xoxo Mz Hollywood