Navigating the Co-Parenting World With a Newborn

When you have your first child and the father and yourself are not in a relationship you have to figure out how to properly co-parent. This can be a bit tricky and it is a serious learning process on top of getting into the swing of being a first time mom and dad. There are definitely some do’s and dont’s when it comes to co-parenting. Some things that were told to me before my baby girl arrived, I wish I would have taken it more seriously instead of thinking that everything would just work itself out once she got here. Being great co-parents without a lot of drama is definitely doable, but it takes both parents to be honest with themselves and what they want and expect from one another.

DO’S

One of the main things that you want to do when you are entering a co-parenting relationship is establish boundaries between you. Like if you are comfortable with the father spending the night over your house, and if so, how often. Setting a schedule for the days that each of you will have the baby. Will the baby spend every other weekend with dad or even every weekend, if you don’t have your own plans with the baby. You both should discuss the type of environment that you are and aren’t comfortable having your newborn in. I am not a smoker but my child’s father is and he knows that I do not want her in a room with cigarette smokers. We have a rule where when he smokes before he comes close to the baby he needs to take off the shirt that he smoked in and wash his hands, face and brush his teeth or put gum in his mouth. It’s also very important to keep each other updated on what is going on with the baby no matter how small it seems so that there is constant communication. Communication is the key to any type of relationship but it is especially important when co-parenting to raise your child in the best way possible.

DONT’S

You do not wan to be an ineffective communicator and not discuss what your rules, plans and expectations are for your baby. If you feel as though the father does not spend as much time as he should with the baby, don’t let it fester up inside you but have a calm conversation with him about it. Let him know that you would love to see him spend a little more time with the baby and develop a strong bond between the two of them. When you are angry with each other, never use the baby to control each other. The baby is the one that ends up suffering in the end. Do not be inflexible when it comes to how much time each of you are spending with the baby. It is important for both of you to spend as much time with the baby as possible.

ADVICE GIVEN TO ME

So before I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl a lot of my family and friends had advice for me and what I should do to begin my co-parenting relationship with her father. The most important advice was for us to always be honest in our communication with one another about how we are feeling and what we want for our baby. We agree on a lot of things when it comes to her daily care and well-being and how we plan to raise her. There are things that we don’t quite agree on but respect that we have a difference of opinion and try to come to a middle ground that works best for the both of us. We have similar but also different ways of caring for and parenting our little girl and that works for us.

This is just the beginning of my journey with co-parenting. I know that as long as we continue to communicate effectively, are honest with ourselves and each other, respect one another, and remain flexible we can rock this co-parenting relationship and our daughter will grow and flourish into an amazing woman!

 

New Mom!

So as you all know I was pregnant and expecting my first child, a baby girl. I officially gave birth on 4/15/18 at 8:09am via C-section. It was a very rocky road for me during labor and delivery as things did not go as planned at all. I have thoroughly been enjoying being a mother! No one could have ever prepared me for the instant love and adoration that I would have for my baby girl.

Most of you know that my due date was 4/6/18, but clearly my little girl did not get that memo that she was supposed to vacate the premises of my womb on that date or at least 4 days afterwards. I went in for an induction on 4/12/18 at 7am, one day after my 30th birthday, and boy was that an experience for me. The first method they tried I thought was going to work and it had to stay in for 12 hours, it was supposed to soften my cervix so that I could begin to dilate, and that was an epic fail because I still had not started dilating and I did not feel any contractions at all. The next thing they tried was giving me the Pitocin, which is supposed to make you dilate and start contractions quickly. My doctor wanted to start me on the Pitocin slowly, so instead of increasing the dose every 15 minutes she increased it every 2 hours. The rest of Thursday and all day Friday I was hooked up to an IV getting fluids and the Pitocin. Suffice it to say, that was also an epic fail. The max dose is 20ml and I didn’t start feeling minor contractions until I had gotten up to 16ml of the Pitocin. When I was checked to see if I had dilated any early Saturday morning, I was still 1cm. This was quite disappointing for me. So my doctor decided to take me off the IV for a few hours so that I could move around and then start the induction process over again. So this time I started out on the Pitocin at 9ml and every 15-20 minutes a nurse came to increase it 2ml. This time around I started feeling the contractions and by the time I got to 14ml, I needed pain meds to deal with the pain. My water finally broke! By Saturday evening when my doctor checked me and I was still 1cm she suggested that I get an epidural to relax my cervix in hopes that it would help me to start dilating more. She swept my membranes and that got me to 3cm dilated. So I got the epidural, which was something that I did not want at all. I wanted a natural birth with no epidural. Clearly that was not in the cards for me. So by early Sunday morning when my doctor came and checked and I was still a measly 3cm she gave me the look and said to me “Honey you’re still 3cm, we need to schedule a c-section now”. At that point I did not protest at all. My body was completely tired. The medicine that you put in the epidural did not work so they had to use anesthesia.

My baby girl was born at 8:09am. Because of my own complications it took me a while to be able to finally see my baby for the first time. They wheeled me into the NICU in front of her warmer to be able to look at her. It was love at first sight and she was so beautiful to me! Since being home with my baby it has been a learning curve. Getting to know the signs for when she is hungry, needs attention and getting the hang of breastfeeding. She is only 16 days old and she already has a big personality and our bond is strong and will only get stronger. I absolutely could not imagine being anything else but her mother. I never knew how much I would love being a mom nor how natural it would be to me. I love when she is awakes and she smiles at me when I talk and kiss her. She sometimes even kisses me back. She is my forever love! I have never experience this type of love before!

Even though things did not go as planned for my labor and delivery, I would not change anything at all. All the time, pain, and worry was all worth it. The fact that my baby girl is here, healthy and beautiful is all that I could ever ask for. I will love her with all my heart, teach her, cherish her and protect her until the day that I die.

One Day

One day I will find you 

For I have been searching all my life

One day I will finally be happy

Despite all the misery in my life

One day I will walk with fingers interlocked

On a nice beautiful day with you 

One day… 

From Google Images 

What I Want

Stuck in that in-between time
hoping
that one day
you will truly be mines.

I guess I have to
wait, wait
wait until time is
finally on my side.

I can’t dwell on it
but,
I’m not doing well tho.
See,
I want you right now.
Yet our time is not now.

Maybe one day
you’ll see
that, your place is
right here with me.

So until that day
I’ll keep holding on
that I will soon have
everything I want

xoxo Mz Hollywood

Alone

Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don’t believe I’m wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can’t use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They’ve got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely
I’ll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
‘Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

-Maya Angelou

Spring

Sunshine

Rain

Beautiful flowers

Butterflies flying

Birds chirping

Cool breezes
 
 

Spring is here

My favorite time of year

Beautiful days

Magical nights

I embrace this season

I am one with this season

xoxo Mz Hollywood

National Poetry Month

In honor of this month being National Poetry Month each day, from now until the end of April, I will be posting my own original poems and/or poems from some of my favorite poets. I wish all my fellow poets a Happy National Poetry Month!

My Inspiration

So I had a plan to write about the black poets and writers who inspired me to write poetry and short stories, since it is Black History month. Clearly, I am late because it is only one full week left in February. So as they say “better late than never”. Today I will share with you all one of the first poems that I read that inspired me to want to be like this author. It made me want to pick up a pencil and start writing. Even after all these years since I first read her writing I am still in awe of her talents. I got the chance to see her in person in my undergrad when she came to speak and I was 7 rows from the stage and it just made me love her even more. That is a memory that will be etched in my brain forever because I never thought that I would ever get a chance to see and hear her speak in person. I love her work and she still inspires me, even though she has passed away. May her soul rest in peace! 

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells

Pumping in my living room

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don’t you take it awful hard

‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines

Diggin’ in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise 

That I dance like I’ve got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise 

I rise

I rise. 

– Maya Angelou